My Own Redemption

It took me awhile to figure out which assignment we have done throughout the quarter needed the most attention, and thereby winning the spot as my revision piece. This was a particularly hard task because there are at least five major assignments that could use a do-over. After much thought and reviewing, it was my second timed write that won out.

The Shawshank Redemption was a deep and multi-tiered film that deserved much more analysis that I was able to five it in under an hour. My original paper did not meet the requirements at all, and had a tendency to repeat itself. The only strength it had going for it was that it met the length requirements, and it was remotely about the movie. The weaknesses in this case far outweighed any strengths.

The original writing prompt for this assignment was “Based on your own perception of non-conformity how did the film and group discussion that ensued challenge these perceptions?” My original draft didn’t even remotely cover this topic. It talked around the subject, rather than just hitting it on the head directly. A prime example of this from my writing would be when I said: “consider dictatorships in history and the mob mentality that ensued. If more people had refused to conform to the rules those dictators were putting down, it is likely that genocide could have been prevented.” Although in my head I had made a connection, I realize now that that thought sounds winded, off base, and vague. Other problems I had with this paper were sentence cohesion, and a narrow thesis. This is my chance to fix all of that. In my revised draft of this timed writer, I started with a well placed thesis statement that was previously lacking. If I have learned anything at all this quarter it is that without a thesis, you have no paper.

I hope that my second go at this assignment will result in a smoother paper with well planned thoughts, paragraphs, and overall theme. I believe that my revised paper will give the movie the analysis and thought that it is justified.